February 2011
Dear Friends,
Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1). Sounds so easy and profound in written form, but living out that truth can be so difficult, challenging and hard. Do you ever feel like your faith is gone? Maybe you feel like you left it at the bus stop or in the grocery store line? Or you went to sleep and woke up discouraged and defeated?
The last few weeks have been overwhelming for me. I am tired. I am selfish. I want results now. I am hurt. I feel defeated. My house is still for sale and it always needs to be cleaned. My heart is full of grumbling and complaining and I feel guilty about my lack of hope and joy and optimism. I don’t have it all together. I am confused with God’s plan. I want to hear God’s voice and it seems so quiet and faint I can hardly make out the words.
But yet, in the midst of all that whining and complaining, where I confess I am sinning against God because He tells us in His Word to do everything without grumbling or complaining, I know I must keep hoping. When we hope for something, we wait for it patiently. Wow, maybe this is a confessional, I am not patient. God has called me to a life that does not fit me well, so for me to survive I have to die to myself every day and follow Him. I get tired of dying… back to my selfishness. I want you to know that I do not have it all together and maybe you don’t either, but God has shown me that He wants our brokenness more than He wants our sacrifice.
For so long, I grew up in a legalistic world of don’t do this, and don’t ever do this, and you better never forget to do this. When I was in college God began to free me from this prison I had built for myself so that I could truly commune with Him, spend time with Him and know Him in a deeper way. Even in my world of rules, I loved God and He loved me, but true freedom in Christ opened up a relationship I never knew was out there for the taking. You can compare it to a friend you love but maybe you don’t hang with very much, so there is distance there and empty spaces in what you know of each other. But then one day, one of you puts yourself out there and shares some deep joy or disappointment and then, by golly, your friend has a similar celebration or difficulty and the friendship goes deeper. Of course, this analogy is not foolproof because God knows everything about us whether we choose to share or receive. Anyway, when I abandoned a religion of rules in exchange for a relationship of forgiveness, God’s grace and Jesus’ death on the cross had an entirely new place in my life. And, now when I struggle or when hard things happen, I don’t immediately jump to the conclusion that I must have done something wrong for this to be happening, like I did when legalism ruled my life.
Embracing God’s love can be hard because we feel guilty for our sinfulness, for our past, for our decisions, for our impulsive behavior or whatever else, but His love never waivers for us. A friend shared a verse with me this week that says “Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor His ear too dull to hear.” (Is 59:1) And God reminds me that when I toss and turn, question, doubt, whine, fear and feel overcome by anxiety, He is right there with me listening to me and comforting me and offering His peace to me. He gives peace that the world does not give.
Psalm 121:3-8
He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
God’s word tells us the righteous will live by faith. We cannot have faith on our own or live for God on our own. We cannot do it. We are helpless without Him, even if we believe the lie that we are in control. Our survival is contingent upon our faith in Him. Our faith moves mountains, sustains the weak and comforts the weary. Our faith is completely dependent upon our Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth who daily bears our burdens. We depend on Him for our very breath without even much of a consideration, but we must also depend on Him for the resources to pay our water bill, the security of our job, safety of our children, the food we eat, the friends we have, the joy in our hearts, the strength to continue on and everything else that weighs us down, stresses us out and even for a minute lets us doubt the faithfulness of our God.
It is embarrassing to admit that some days my faith is not strong, is barely holding on, but I know that God is faithful when I am faithless, for He cannot disown Himself. I want to be like Paul and endure everything like a good soldier of Christ Jesus for the sake of those that do not know Christ, that they might grab hold of salvation through Christ Jesus. (2 Timothy 2:1-13) We can make a choice to cling to Christ, come broken before Him and depend on Him to give us enough faith for this moment, for this step. He has given me this journey, this bread of adversity and water of affliction and told me “this is the way, walk in it.” (Isaiah 30:18-21) So today by faith, we must stand and move forward being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
May it be for each of us,
Hebrews 13:16 “And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.”