Trying to place into words all that God has been doing, during my time in the states, has been a battle. My mind cannot seem to fully comprehend all that God has done thus far, and is still doing, not only in respect of Kwathu Children’s Home but in my own life as well.
I remember the day I climbed on that plane to leave the deep orange African soil. My mind and my heart were in various places. I could no longer contain the excitement, although I believe my body language possibly displayed my fear of the unknown. I suddenly felt like a small fish in a big pond. My heart couldn’t fathom, and often still battles to grasp why God would take a somewhat shy and intimidated young woman across oceans and borders into an unfamiliar territory to share about God and His faithfulness, provision and redemptive love. Yet, although often overwhelmed by my inferiorities, God continues to reveal His character in my weakness.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9
During my time here, God has been working in my heart so much in respect of “letting go.” For many of us, “letting go” is incredibly difficult. Whether it be in respect of material possessions, pride or our past.
I recently read a book called “Set Free” by Stephen Owens & Ken Abrahams. An excerpt from the book reads: “Stephen Owens was twelve years old when he discovered his Father at home badly beaten and gasping his final breaths. Evidence proved Stephen’s mom, Gaile, had hired a hit man to carry out the murder, and she was sent to death row.”
Stephens’s mother was imprisoned for over 26 years as a result of her actions, however, she wasn’t the only one. Her son, Stephen, was imprisoned by his un-forgiveness towards his mother. Reading this book got me thinking. What in my life is holding me captive? What in my life have I allowed to imprison me? Does my sin and my un-forgiveness make me any different to a person in a literal prison cell?
“…For you are a slave to whatever controls you.” – 2 Peter 2:19
I’ve never really meditated on this scripture until recently. Think about it for a moment. You are a slave to whatever controls you. If, for example, you were once a victim of physical abuse. As a result, fear of man stepped in, worthlessness, rejection and approval addiction took root in your life. In my opinion, often we harbor un-forgiveness in our hearts without even realizing it. We continue through life pushing men/woman away as a means to protect ourselves from hurt. Are we now assuming that every man is out to hurt us? Has our fear taken control of our next movements, our next decisions, and our future? Have we then become a slave to our past? A slave to our fear? As ultimately our fear is what is then controlling us.
I asked myself recently, when last have I taken things to the cross? When last have I said: “God, I refuse to allow my past hurts, failures or rejection determine my future destiny.” Honestly, I can admit that until recently I allowed a past adversary take root in my life for over 13 years. I gave it an open door to define my future. But today, as hard as it has been, God has been teaching me to let go. He’s been teaching me that I am more than a conqueror through Jesus. I am victorious, I am beautiful. I am worth it. Why? Because He is. I desire absolute freedom in Christ. And my heart yearns to see others walk in this freedom!
Is there something in your life that you feel imprisoned by? Is there something harboring in your heart that has kept you captive for far too long? I’d encourage you to take it to the cross, and place it at the feet of Jesus. I know it isn’t easy, it hurts, and often it becomes all too overwhelming. But the freedom in Christ is oh so worth it!
For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. – 2 Corinthians 3:17